Often when I am feeling down I will browse some craft blogs and enjoy the pretty things people make … This morning though, that backfired, and I feel worse because I would love to create something like what I see, but I don’t have any real talent for it …

It does remind me that I intend to feature craft blogs I enjoy, though.  So, coming soon …

There is a lot of catching up for me to do … for work, for stuff online, for my own projects …

One task is ‘renesting’ the new computer.  You know what I mean: reinstalling software, recustomizing desktop, replacing bookmarks and all that stuff.

I made the move from Windoze OS to Ubuntu, and mostly have no complaints.  I discovered yesterday, though, that there are certain programs I just can’t manage the same without.  So I took a step back toward madness and installed MS Office to run through WINE.  Now I have my productivity suite back again and have so far lucked out – no crashes, no corrupted files.

It’s good to be back in the saddle. :)

[Fascinating post, I know ... but a good lead-in for some posts to come regarding open-source and free software that everyone should know about and maybe even use.]

I firmly believe if you are going to blog you should have a layout that really represents you.  That means either putting the time into ’shopping’ for that perfect, ready-made template, or being willing, as I am, to tamper with the template until it is exactly the way you want it.

Tampering, of course, leads to breaking.  There is nothing like putting a few hours into the code and then – ta-daa! – a blank page from a broken script, open tag or bad reference.

But if you persevere, you will end up with a blog that suits your idea of perfection when you look at it.  (Filling it with posts worthy of being read is another matter entirely!)

Read the rest of this entry

I lived with anorexia for a long time before recognizing I had an illness.  I could go two days without eating and not feel any negative effects.

Realizing the cause was the turning point for me.  I felt I needed to earn the right to eat: I didn’t deserve food just because I was hungry.  Letting myself eat was at first still a struggle, but thanks ( :p ) to the depression medications, my appetite is good and I have gained weight.

The trouble is, I lived a long time underweight and that is the body image I have of myself.  I always wanted curves instead of angles, but now that I have them, I feel fat and want the angles back.

The last few days I can feel the anorexia creeping back.  It’s easy to put off eating until I get this done.  Then when I finish this there is another task waiting and I might as well attend that before I eat.  And so it goes.

It is not uncommon to be at war with yourself over something, even on a daily basis.  Many of us struggle with some fight or other even minute to minute.  What really sucks, though, when you fight with yourself, even when you win, you also lose.

Depression is probably one of the most insidious conditions a person can face.  It is seldom a dramatic, OMGZ-I-want-to-die manifestation.  More often, especially for me, it is just a subtle, draining, grinding-away of the living part of life.

Procrastination is a huge symptom.  I’ll get to that later, when I feel better, when I have more energy, when I care, when I am not so bleh.  It’s easy to put things off when depressed, then get more depressed about how much there is waiting for one to do.  Then the feelings of being overwhelmed by it all hit.

It becomes a cycle that is almost impossible to break.  Like many people with depression, I sleep a lot, but in small doses, which leaves me with the problems caused by broken sleep: drowsiness, irritability, lack of focus, and … um … hey, look, something shiny.

[I don't really want this blog to be a layperson's account of depression ... but it is something I am struggling with so it is bound to be a topic ... I will try to mix it up though.  Promise.  When I feel better ... ;) ]