I lived with anorexia for a long time before recognizing I had an illness.  I could go two days without eating and not feel any negative effects.

Realizing the cause was the turning point for me.  I felt I needed to earn the right to eat: I didn’t deserve food just because I was hungry.  Letting myself eat was at first still a struggle, but thanks ( :p ) to the depression medications, my appetite is good and I have gained weight.

The trouble is, I lived a long time underweight and that is the body image I have of myself.  I always wanted curves instead of angles, but now that I have them, I feel fat and want the angles back.

The last few days I can feel the anorexia creeping back.  It’s easy to put off eating until I get this done.  Then when I finish this there is another task waiting and I might as well attend that before I eat.  And so it goes.

It is not uncommon to be at war with yourself over something, even on a daily basis.  Many of us struggle with some fight or other even minute to minute.  What really sucks, though, when you fight with yourself, even when you win, you also lose.