It does remind me that I intend to feature craft blogs I enjoy, though.  So, coming soon …

One task is ‘renesting’ the new computer.  You know what I mean: reinstalling software, recustomizing desktop, replacing bookmarks and all that stuff.

I made the move from Windoze OS to Ubuntu, and mostly have no complaints.  I discovered yesterday, though, that there are certain programs I just can’t manage the same without.  So I took a step back toward madness and installed MS Office to run through WINE.  Now I have my productivity suite back again and have so far lucked out – no crashes, no corrupted files.

It’s good to be back in the saddle. :)

[Fascinating post, I know ... but a good lead-in for some posts to come regarding open-source and free software that everyone should know about and maybe even use.]

Tampering, of course, leads to breaking.  There is nothing like putting a few hours into the code and then – ta-daa! – a blank page from a broken script, open tag or bad reference.

But if you persevere, you will end up with a blog that suits your idea of perfection when you look at it.  (Filling it with posts worthy of being read is another matter entirely!)

To tamper your template successfully, no matter what platform you are using, start with a template most like what you want your end result to be.  Seems obvious to me, but I suppose it’s worth mentioning.

Then, don’t be afraid to break it.  Keep a backup copy to replace the mess if you screw things up too badly.  Be bold with some changes so you can determine what affects which.

As you get comfortable with tampering, feel free to change colors, add elements from other templates, and generally have fun making your blog totally your own.

More to come on Template Tampering. :)

Realizing the cause was the turning point for me.  I felt I needed to earn the right to eat: I didn’t deserve food just because I was hungry.  Letting myself eat was at first still a struggle, but thanks ( :p ) to the depression medications, my appetite is good and I have gained weight.

The trouble is, I lived a long time underweight and that is the body image I have of myself.  I always wanted curves instead of angles, but now that I have them, I feel fat and want the angles back.

The last few days I can feel the anorexia creeping back.  It’s easy to put off eating until I get this done.  Then when I finish this there is another task waiting and I might as well attend that before I eat.  And so it goes.

It is not uncommon to be at war with yourself over something, even on a daily basis.  Many of us struggle with some fight or other even minute to minute.  What really sucks, though, when you fight with yourself, even when you win, you also lose.

Procrastination is a huge symptom.  I’ll get to that later, when I feel better, when I have more energy, when I care, when I am not so bleh.  It’s easy to put things off when depressed, then get more depressed about how much there is waiting for one to do.  Then the feelings of being overwhelmed by it all hit.

It becomes a cycle that is almost impossible to break.  Like many people with depression, I sleep a lot, but in small doses, which leaves me with the problems caused by broken sleep: drowsiness, irritability, lack of focus, and … um … hey, look, something shiny.

[I don't really want this blog to be a layperson's account of depression ... but it is something I am struggling with so it is bound to be a topic ... I will try to mix it up though.  Promise.  When I feel better ... ;) ]

Dealing with depression is the hardest challenge, by far, I have ever faced.  But at the moment I feel like it is a challenge I can meet and conquer.  I just hope I can find a way to make this feeling last.

Working on fixing these things, but it is a slow process.

You can get one here if you don’t already use one.

I added mine today here with a link at the top for easy access for all you EC surfers.

Yesterday I realized I am in no mental state to consider true recovery from my anorexia: some one (who shall remain nameless at least for now) commented that I *had* clearly gained some weight before, but had lost most of it again … And my first thought upon hearing that was “so I *AM* fat!” and the second was “back to not eating, you fat sow.” Now, to be clear, I am not even overweight in vanity pounds today: I don’t have a scale but judging by how my clothes fit I am at a proper weight/weight distribution. But I *think* I’m fat, I *feel* fat, and there is nothing I can do to convince myself it is okay to eat when I have these fat-in-the-head issues going on.

Perhaps as part of that backslide, the panic attacks returned. I had gone almost four days without feeling anxious at all, and the last three days I didn’t even need the meds to manage it. But yesterday I got slammed so fast with a panic attack I couldn’t even fully register what was happening (which, in a way, was nice: panic attacks are no fun, so not being totally aware I was having one was just super).

So today I am just trying to keep myself going. Not the easiest thing to do, as anyone with “bipolar disorder” can attest. But I am too stubborn to do anything else.

Working from home. Being my own boss, more or less (when you are the boss, of course, your customers or clients become your bosses).

The problem, naturally, is that the work is always there. I can’t leave it at the office. And I have a hard time giving myself days off when I know that assignment is lurking, unfinished, waiting for me.

But I am working it out. I love the freedom of being able to set my hours as I like and listen to music or have a movie on in the background.

Better still, I get so busy I can hire subcontractors to help me out. If that’s not the American dream, I am not sure what is.

Lots of people use “anxiety attack” and “panic attack” interchangeably, but they are not the same thing. The use of the different words should be a tip-off, but even I missed the significance.

Anxiety can lead to panic. Anxiety attacks can be diffused before panic sets in. Anxiety attacks are more mild and less consuming than panic attacks.

I don’t know the professional views on this as well as I know my own experiences, of course. YMMV.

Read more:

While I was working at the computer Saturday my son was playing at his friend’s house on the trampoline. I don’t like the trampoline, and have a standing rule that the kids can’t be on it if there isn’t an adult outside watching them on it – not just outside doing stuff, but actually watching them.

Of course, just having supervision can’t prevent accidents.

expand

And he’s the kind of kid that, through his tears of pain, apologized for breaking an adult tooth! I got him calmed with the assurance that the dentist will be able to cap it and no one will ever know unless he tells them (or loses the cap); and got him back to smiling by pointing out he has a fierce fang now and a wolfish grin, and had better not bite his sister Blossom no matter how bad she torments him since he’d cut her up bad for sure (not that he’s ever bitten anyone, but silliness was called for).

I suppose it is the natural perversity of childhood that they can’t have these minor accidents during normal office hours; it’s always the middle of the night or on weekends. I almost hope he doesn’t get his cap done before Halloween: he plans to be a pirate, and the broken tooth would enhance his costume nicely.

Now I have it whittled down to three, maybe four. JISE here will be my blog forever – even having the chance to switch to a WP blog, I like it here and I have done so much to get it to look the way I want.

Read on:

Read on…

The Absynthe Community is off to a good start. If you are an aut or aspie writer, or other ND creative-type, come check it out.

I have also been pleasantly swamped with freelance work this week. You know those articles you read all over the web? I am responsible for some of those. The well-written ones, anyway.

We also got a puppy about six weeks ago. More on him and some pix later.

In part: Just because your mental sea is the North Atlantic doesn’t mean you will hit an iceberg.

Mental Seas and Icebergs

I have been busy, in part, working on a new website; also some editing and graphic design for a novel; also learning Linux.

Which raises a question … everyone I have heard pronounce it says “LIH-nucks,” but it is based on the work of a man named Linus, so it seems to be it should be pronounced “LY-nucks.”

So I am working on merging my different web identities. It isn’t much fun.